A List of Constructive Criticisms to India

I recently finished reading Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns.) At one point, she makes a list of things that bother her about her Jewish friends. She prefaces this with something along the lines of: “I know racist people say racist things and then say, ‘But I have a ton of black friends.’ Does this excuse racism? Absolutely not. That said, all of my friends are Jewish.” Well, right now everyone that I am friends with, see, talk to, and inhabit my town with are Indians. Therefore, I hope that this list of “things that I could do without” doesn’t come off as racist. It’s important to note that I’m loving India and I applied to be here. But this year is all about cross-cultural communication and it’s my duty to give some feedback. Here it goes:

·      Shoe Sense: I don’t mean taking off your shoes to come inside. Yes, I understand that and I always nervously hover around a door until I see what my host is doing. What I hate is getting yelled at for not wearing sandals inside to protect my feet from the marble floor. Yet, when I see my landlady in Joshimath (Aunty) walking inside with her sandals on, I’m scolded for wearing my sneakers inside the house. You’ll yell at me if I take them off. I don’t wear sandals in the winter. Do you want me to wear sandals in the winter? Could those come inside? Your foot looses heat at more than just the sole. You’re decision to rely on sandals in below freezing weather makes me doubt that your ancestors really did live in the Himalayas. Sandals are not better than close-toed shoes. In fact, they’re nonsensical in the snowy mountain right now. I won’t budge on this point.

·      People talking with confidence when they have no idea what they’re talking about: I don’t really need to elaborate. It’s like the whole nation is that drunken philosophy major at a college party. Yeah, you know the one.

·      Food Racism: Indians generally don’t have much politically correct humor. An example is a picture of a Chinese gooseberry in a children’s notebook. The gooseberry looks like a caricature of a Chinese man and is saying, “I’m at ease, I’m Chinese.” At least what the gooseberry is saying doesn’t make enough sense to be racist. Well, I can handle the general lack of PC behavior. But I’m getting really tired of the food bigotry. An example is when I made spinach with rosemary for myself. It was great. I had a huge bunch of spinach that I didn’t cook left over, which I planned on mixing with pasta. This happened in Dehradun, and when I’m in Dehradun I cook a lot of Western food for myself.  When I returned home from the institute, Jannat and Didi proudly showed me that Didi had taken my extra spinach and cooked it the correct way. Jannat indicated towards my leftover cooked spinach as if it were clearly my panicked attempts at feeding myself. I explained that I enjoyed that spinach and they both looked shocked. Then they explained that Didi had cooked Indian spinach for me and were clearly very proud at showing me the error of my ways. The spinach was overcooked and greasy. There’s no way that was healthier for me or tastier. Similarly, when I make a sandwich for myself with peanut butter and bananas (which is a pretty healthy breakfast option given how many calories I burn to stay warm) my landlord (Uncle) says, “Fast food. Easy food” in a way that implies that I am less-than-human. I say human, because Uncle is one of the few Indian men who I know who likes to cook. So, I don’t believe that his remark was implying that I’d make a bad wife. Yes, I did not wake up before dawn to roll chapattis, which are essentially the same as my bread. I made my food faster. That doesn’t mean that it’s inferior.

·      Men wearing sweat suits as if it makes them a famous cricket player: It doesn’t. But it does make you look like a High School girl when those Juicy sweat suits were popular.

·      Anyone replying in the affirmative regardless of what the answer really is: My friend Radhima called a driver for me. He said that he might come and pick me up at six, six thirty or seven. She said (in Hindi), “So you’ll be coming between six and seven?” His response, “Okay madam.” Another example is when the cook at the institute brought me egg curry. I thought it was kofta (a ball made of cheese and veggies) at first so I asked him, “Kofta?” He replied, “Yes.” My friends freaked out, because they weren’t sure if I ate eggs or not (a lot of people don’t in India.)

·      Sometimes a spice is just a spice: I’m tired of being told about how healthy different masalas (spices) are. I’m here studying traditional medicine; I know that a lot of spices are healthy. This whole thing goes back to the food bigotry. You’re food isn’t that much better than anyone else’s (except England’s.) Have you looked at the rising rate of diabetes in India lately? Also, if I’m eating your food that means that I can handle the spice. Stop talking about how spicy it is and waiting for me to start waving at my face and yelling for water. But now that I’ve mentioned England, I think the British colonial period might have sparked the idea that all Western food is grey sludge in comparison to Indian food, which of course, English food is.

·      Brainwashing as a substitute for education: I’ve read Monika’s (the daughter of my Joshimath landlords’) school assignments. While I’m sure that it’s not on par with what Kim Jung-un will demand that children learn in North Korea; it is possibly on par with post-Nixon China. It’s a lot of “what is good for the Indian child’s mind is good for India’s future” and “mindlessly memorizing scientific equations is the best way to secure the Government of Uttarakhand’s production of hydropower.” (Those aren’t exact quotes.) I guess it makes sense, especially since it is so competitive to get into college here. But a little creativity and less behavior like what was seen in “The Wall” would probably produce some flexibly minded youths who could solve a lot of the problems that India and the world are facing.

PS I'm posting this on my computer's last battery power and we don't have electricity right now in Joshimath. So, it might be awhile before my next post.