Things Are Different in India

            This may seem like an obvious statement, and it is; but things are different in India in ways that you might never expect. After living in India during college and returning, I have forgotten how shocking some differences initially were. Now that I am leaving, it’s easy to remember as I think about what I will miss and not miss when I am in the United States. The following list is a random collection of differences. They are in no particular order. I think it will be fairly easy to guess my feelings about the following topics:

1. Getting your phone service. You can’t just buy a cell phone in India. You need to submit a photocopy of your visa, passport, foreigner registration paperwork, and two passport photos. If you’re Indian then it’s the passport photos and your national ID. Everyone also needs to give your address and your father’s name (of course!) You then pay for the SIM card before you get cleared for owning it. About a quarter to a half of the time, the paperwork never gets sent into the main phone carrier headquarters and your service gets cut off. You can’t get a refund after this happens. If you want more minutes on your phone, you have to go to a random little shop and see if they recharge minutes for your carrier. If they do, then you tell them how many rupees you want to spend and they usually oblige. Sometimes they don’t feel like doing it.

2. Truck artwork. Concepts of feminine and masculine are radically different here. Therefore, there is no shame in truckers painting their trucks with images of birds, flowers, mermaids, trees, mountains, gods and goddesses. Often there will also be English or Hindi words pertaining to the driver’s religion. A popular one in Uttarakhand in Jai Mata Di, which is a way of saying Victory to the Mother Goddess. Muslim-owned trucks are generally a bit less colorful than Hindu, Sikh or Christian ones.

3.  Sending mail. If you want to send a package, god help you if you try to box it like a sane person who doesn’t want their shit to get broken or stolen. India has it all figured out. For optimal shipping you need a random assortment of boxes that may or may not fit the item that you want to ship. If it doesn’t fit, no worries! You can just try to tape boxes together around it. These aren’t normal boxes. They’re the boxes that your pressure cooker or TV came in. Then you have to take this package to the tailor. A tailor will stitch fabric around the box. Finally, you need to go to the hardware store and get lac. Seal the box with lac and you’re done! I think this is a procedure to discourage postal workers from breaking into boxes and stealing things. But don’t worry about the postal workers going without, often the whole thing is stolen! I try to avoid sending anything through the Indian postal system. But paying for FedEx doesn’t necessarily get your far. Two people on the Fulbright have had things stolen outright from their FedEx packages.

4. Strangers with candy. This is not in reference to the TV show. You can actually just take candy from strangers here.  The old, creaky man with toffees in his pocket is not yet associated with pedophiles or murderers. Also, candy is an acceptable alternative for small change if a shopkeeper is out of coins.

5.  Gift giving. Giving small presents to friends is much more common here than it is in the United States. If you receive a small gift, you shouldn’t say thank you. Saying thank you too much is regarded as a bad habit. My friends actually get frustrated with me for saying thank you so often.

6.  Fitness. I’m basically Jillian Michaels here. It has given me a very inflated perception of my physical fitness. Of course, middle-aged people in Dehradun see me that way. The old ladies in the mountains can still kick my ass.

7.  Sugar is a food group. Americans have issues with sugar, and I’m not arguing that. But sugar is built up to be an important food group here. I have made chai (with a ton of sugar) and my Indian friends still are shocked when they drink it. There is usually a sip, a disgusted face, and a panicked expression. I always wonder if they have a moment when they wonder if their taste buds have lost the ability to detect sweet. Also, I was being fed on gulab jamun (dough ball soaked in honey) before I left Joshimath. Now all future attempts to show me love through food have been ruined. Fresh gulab jamun tastes like a more decadent donut that as been warmed up and is saturated in honey.

8.  Crossing the road. It is always dangerous. The cows have it figured out, though.

9. Animals everywhere. On the way from my house to the office in Dehradun I see: cows, goats, chickens, dogs, cats, monkeys, crows, and the occasional pig. This is a city of 1 million people.

10. Pan mouths. Pan is a chewing tobacco-like substance from the betel leaf. It is mixed with something red; therefore when men pack a lip of it, they also drip and spit red drool. PS It smells like roses mixed with brimstone.  

11. If it sparkles, you should wear it and buy 50 more of it. You can dress like a five-year-old girl playing dress up and that’s high fashion. This is also true for men.